therefore, heavy.

Jul. 24th, 2017 11:53 am
tree: four fingers on a naked back ([else] if i tell the truth)
[personal profile] tree
this was originally written and posted privately on the 20th of april last year. i'd forgotten about it, actually. there was a hashtag on twitter #wheniwas filled with personal experiences of childhood sexual harassment and assault. there was an article about it, too. and it brought up some stuff. well, doesn't everything?

a breakable takeable body )

highlights from the night's dnd

Jul. 23rd, 2017 06:14 pm
sciatrix: (Default)
[personal profile] sciatrix
...for context, I'm currently playing a Baby's First Campaign in which I (and nearly all of the players) are playing D&D for the first time, which would probably be going a little bit less chaotically if we didn't also have around fifteen players. It keeps fluctuating. My partner T is our longsuffering DM, who is doing an admirable job writing a party that contains (among other things) Teddy Roosevelt If He Was a Really Classist Half Elf, a turkey vulture that ate something it shouldn't have done and acquired sapience, an accidentally sapient sixty-foot birch tree that doesn't much like humans, a very cheerful and totally deaf bard, Blair Sandburg If He Was a Bard, and a half-elf ranger who is quickly developing the reputation of being The Only Sane One In This Whole Damn Crew.
None of these is me. )

a place of execution

Jul. 22nd, 2017 10:25 pm
tree: cropped shot of scully's mouth, chin and nose in the top right corner ([xf] i'll just be waiting here)
[personal profile] tree
even now, with everything i know about memory—how easily it can be manipulated, how the act of recollection changes the memory itself—there is still a part of me that feels betrayed by my childhood self. and i wonder if the reason that i have no memories of my early years is because i had to erase them in order to participate in the lie of my parentage. i helped to deceive myself.

/consider: a word problem

if x = 3 (my mother married my stepfather) and y = 6 or 7 (my earliest memories), calculate the distance from one truth to another.
there were two trains. they were going at what speed?

/consider: the self as a city

i razed it and rebuilt.
no tracks and no disputed ground.

/consider: the present tense

how do i trust myself?
how do i forgive?
'an indeterminate or undefined place or state.'

This is an anti-rec!

Jul. 20th, 2017 09:38 pm
calvinahobbes: Calvin and Hobbes watching tv (calvintv)
[personal profile] calvinahobbes
I watched Anne With An E, and I absolutely loathed it. I watched the whole thing, because I accidentally started it with my mom, who kept insisting it might become better (it didn't) or, later, might be a decent show if we pretended it had nothing to do with Anne of Green Gables (nope).

The production value is great - I was able to enjoy the costumes and set designs and authentic food, although eventually it became weird how the characters were constantly eating or cooking. The problem with this show is that it is REALLY BAD fanfic. Jerry Boute is made a major character, and from episode 1 it's obvious that Moira Walley-Beckett is trying to set him up as a romantic interest, for absolutely no fathomable reason. Maybe she wants to emphasise the French presence in Canada by foregrounding one of the only French-Canadian characters in the book??

I might easily be able to forgive a change like that, but it proved to be a foreboding of how Beckett approaches canon: imagine her just gleefully tearing up the original books and tossing them across the room. Again, if she changed things with some sense of respect for the originals, in an endeavour to make the stories more suitable for television, that would not automatically be a problem. But Beckett seems to inexplicably think that L.M. Montgomery's original novels were boring and devoid of plot, so she freely invents conflicts and challenges that never would have belonged in quiet Avonlea. This short first season (first? I hope last and only!) contains: a dramatic horse racing scene, a cliff-hanger, a pedo!threat, a housefire, the death of a major side-character, the attempted suicide (WTAF I could scream!) of a major character... and these are just the ones I can mention without really spoiling the plot. So. Many. Unnecessary. Changes!

The actors are very good, not least Amybeth McNulty who plays Anne with an impressive amount of talent - she's the perfect fit - and she does an admirable job of acting out Anne's verbosity, mood-swings, and many many honest-to-god anxiety attacks and flashbacks because this is a "psychologically realistic" production, apparently. But the actors can't save the atrociously melodramatic plot, or the fact that this has very, very little to do with Anne of Green Gables. I hate it! Don't bother with it!

(This review by Sarah Larson is good and only a bit more spoilery than mine.)
sciatrix: (Default)
[personal profile] sciatrix
...this is a weird, weird thought for me.

I blame the Guardians of the Galaxy sequel--found family and xenobiology are already sources of great temptation for me, and then they added abusive family dynamics that sounded just about right and sisters who are trying to cope with a legacy of a shitty, shitty parenting and bad communication caused in part by trying to deal with that, and they gave me Nebula to play with, and I just want to read all of the fic with those sisters dealing with each other.

It doesn't exist, so I guess I might have to write it. And, well, there's a Kragdu discord going that's supportive enough, I guess, and my partner is egging me on the whole time, so maybe I can do that thing. I have not yet found what I really want, which is a Guardians of the Galaxy comm modeled after Star Trek's excellent [community profile] where_no_woman. Curses.

That being said, I Don't Write Fiction. I can write, sure, but I've never written fiction seriously--it's scary, and I get intimidated, and I feel like Not A Real Fan, and mostly I just want to bury my head in the sand and hide until all the fiction goes away. Bleh.

And I'm really tired because I'm trying to do all the things at once, which is about usual for me. But. Practice makes perfect, I guess?

(no subject)

Jul. 16th, 2017 11:18 am
jenavira: Crop of a picture of Tenpou from Saiyuki Gaiden, lounging (Default)
[personal profile] jenavira
My entire life for the past couple of days has just been a series of increasingly bad choices. (Illustrative example: last night's dinner was ice cream sandwiches and beer.) I haven't gotten to bed at a decent time in almost two weeks. But then, this afternoon I have to go to work, where I will stand in a corner and point out the new quiet reading room to people for five hours. Then tomorrow, instead of getting to sleep in, I go straight from one doctor's appointment (where I have to tell them the thing we're doing to make me not tired all the time isn't working) to another (where I have to tell them the thing we're doing to make me not depressed all the time isn't working). And then on Tuesday another doctor's appointment and then work again.

On Thursday I thought I was coming up out of a two-week depressive episode; I had a really good day. Unfortunately I realized I wanted to do things again at the exact same time that I don't have time to do anything I want to do, and it's really hard to sustain optimism in the face of that. Blarg.
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